Happy 40th Birthday Optimus Primal
by AquaticSloth
Summary: It is Primal's 40th Birthday, and the Maximals duty to throw a party for him. However afterwards things seem to go astray. Slash couples included as well as comical adult themes. All characters are included as is random ridiculous OOC-nes.
1. Surprise!

Optimus lifted the heavy energon cables out of the crate that held them. They were heavier then he expected and was having trouble moving them to the connecting wires.

"Rhinox!" He called out "Can you please come help me with these energon cables?"

He heard his friend's voice shout back "I'll be right there Optimus"

Optimus smiled lightly as he heard Rhinox's feet clang louder and louder as he came into sight.

"What is it, you wanted Optimus?"Rhinox said entering the room

"Well it appears that I didn't need help with the energon cables…" Optimus scratched the back of his head

Rhinox looked at the floor "Where did you put them?"

"Just over there. We can hook them up later" Optimus stretched "That, and I called you in for a different reason."

"Is there something you want to tell me Optimus?"

"There is Rhinox, please have a seat. It might make it easier for me to tell you this…"

"What is it?" Rhinox bumbled out as he sat down "Is it Cheetor or Rattrap? They're not hurt are they?"

"Oh heavens, no Rhinox" Optimus said taking a seat next to him

Rhinox could feel that Optimus was awkwardly close and he asked loudly "What are you doing?"

Optimus felt exposed "I'm just taking a seat next to you; I figure it'll be easier for both of us if we're sitting."

"Well what is it? The suspense is killing me" Rhinox said turning away. Optimus had always kept feelings bottled up and Rhinox was a little unsure if he felt something on his thigh.

"Well Rhinox, you see, we've been fighting the Beast Wars for- for a long time now and I know the tension from Megatron is aggravating and uh, it's hard to get rid of your frustrations so easily. But I-"

"Optimus, you seem to having trouble telling me the truth" Rhinox pushed away, wanting to stand

"It's not a simple topic to bring about in everyday conversation, especially since we're in the situation that we're in. But um, I… I…"

KABLAMMO!

"What in the slagging galaxy was that Optimus Primal?!" Rhinox belted after being shoved to his feet.

"I have no idea, we better go up to the control room" Optimus commanded.

As they ran, Rhinox could hear a soft jingle coming from Optimus, and as they reached the control room doors, Rhinox couldn't help but bring it to Optimus's attention.

"It sounds like you have a circuit loose!"

The doors whirred open and they both took a few steps in and Optimus raised his voice over the blaring alarm.

"What happened maximals you have to tell me! Or I will oil my pants!"

Dinobot snarled as he turned "It appears that the Predacons are launching a full attack!"

"What?! Are you sure? There's nothing on the scanners"

And then just a suddenly, celebratory poppings, confetti and a large banner rolled down from the ceiling. All the Maximals raised their hands in the air and called out.

"Surprise! Happy 40th Birthday Optimus Primal!"

Optimus stood in the midst of all the sparkling streamers, wide eyed and the smile he wore was of true happiness. No crew had ever shared a birthday with him before. Optimus couldn't believe that he had been fooled, Rhinox to occupy him, and the Predacon attack it was all a set up. After the noise had calmed to a soft murmur as Cheetor leapt forwards and purred in his throat.

"Rrr-wraow, how could you forget your own birthday Optimus?"

Dinobot wore a smile too "I really though you would have figured it out!"

Rattrap impatiently handed Optimus a wrapped gift "-eah, I gotcha an energon surfboard"

Optimus stood in front of all them "Wow, I really didn't know"

Dinobot stood forward and took Optimus's shoulder "Now Let the festivities begin!"

Salsa music began to play loudly as Rattrap passed around some dirty mech fluid for them all to share. Optimus talked about old times and how he signed on for the mission. They played a couple games of poker and multiplayer halo before they all got a tipsy and fell asleep in their control room.

* * *

Note: I should have added this much sooner  
I have a little trivia about this 'story', it's not entirely important, but I think it should be mentioned.  
This madness began back in the summer '05 when I began playing around with a Mini-Tape Cassette recorder. I asked my brother to help me, by singing "Happy Birthday" to Optimus so it would sound as though there were more voices. Then because it was so funny we got my cousin involved. Now it's the three of us doing stupid voices in our spare time.  
My point being; I will provide a list of who plays who mainly because I'm bored and because perhaps some of you may be curious. (Some parts are shared depending on whose most available at the time.)

Crosby: Optimus, Dinobot, Cheetor, Airrazor, Inferno, Tigerhawk, DepthCharge, Waspinator, Terrorsaur and Rampage

Brother Smeff: Silverbolt, Optimus, Megatron, Tigatron, Inferno, Quickstrike, Scorpinok, and Waspinator.

Cousin Dr. Teeth: Megatron, Rattrap, Rhinox, Tigatron, Tarantulas, Blackarachnia, Silverbolt and Scorpinok.

And no one plays Transmutate because she was a waste of space.


	2. Uninvited

They awoke the next morning, Optimus with his face pressed against the metal of the table in the center of the room with Rhinox under it. Cheetor had passed out by the CR Chamber and Rattrap found himself tucked neatly into the curves of Dinobot's beast form. Rhinox was the first to rise and after everyone else had roused he began making breakfast. When he was finished, Rhinox tapped up a message on the main computer screen that had been flashing moments before. 

"Optimus, we're receiving a transmission" Rhinox said and clicked open the video message.

Appearing in the video Megatron sat, legs crossed with an irritated look upon his face, his minions just as disgruntled. He leaned forwards and snorted.

"How come I was not invited?"

Optimus stood, fully alert "M-Megatron!"

"After all the years we've been together hm, yes, you did not even bother to send an invitation?" he barked

Terrorsaur then flew into view and interrupted" Yeah! I wanted ice cream cake!"

Waspinator felt the need express the same feelings "Waspinator wanted some cake…"

Scorpinok came forwards too and explained "Surely we can put aside our difference to have…. A birthday party… together."

"Any opportunity to hang out with sugar-bot, hyuck" Quickstrike snickered

Silverbolt flew into the maximal base as Quickstrike made this obscene comment. He ran up to the control panel pushing Rattrap out of the way "Stand back sir! For we would not invite some fiends to this party. Ah ha haahaahaa"

"Silverbolt stand down" Optimus ordered

Inferno hugged Megatron "If the royalty commands, I shall have cake"

Optimus looked into the screen "I didn't even know we were having a party!"

"That's no excuse Primal, no!" Megatron sneered

"Waspinator thinks we should just have a party."

Megatron pushed his comrades out of the way "Yes Primal, yes, we will have a party. And… that will be how it is ."

While secretly he says to Terrorsaur "secretly we will take all their energon crystals and destroy the base. It'll be awesome!"

"But-" Terrorsaur squawked

"but they will be distracted, with my wonderful party favours"

"Sounds like a good plan boss but what are we going to do about the rest of them, I mean they don't even, rah, they don't even know!"

"Don't worry Terrorsaur, no." Megatron smiled and looked back at the message screen.

Optimus frowned "You know you're welcome to have some cake right now, if you want."

"Very well Optimus, pass me that fork…"

"I can't pass material items to you, when we're not… in front of each other" Optimus sputtered confused "It doesn't make sense."

Megatron slammed his fist "Don't' praptomize me."

"Praptomize?" Optimus replied

"Shut up, I am very well aware of what I said. Yes. But now we will have a party, we'll be over soon. Prepare for our arrival-L ."

The transmission cut there and the others turned to Optimus as he began to wig out.

"By primus, we gotta clean this place. Look at how filthy it is, Rattrap look at you you're covered in mud"

"Hey I like my pigsty, lemme alone." Rattrap replied.

Dinobot snorted from behind him "Clean up your mess you filthy little vermin!"

"at least my mess isn't as bad as your face"

Dinobot paused "…I will kill you-"

Optimus separated them "Will you guys knock it off! Now Rattrap, clean yourself up, why you're covered with mud I will never know, Dinobot I want you to take care of cups and ice. And Rhinox will you… vacuum or something, augh! Blarg-"

Cheetor looked over to Rhinox worriedly "Rrr-wraow, Optimus has gone mad!"

"Hey Optimus relax, it's your party" Rattrap said, escaping Dinobot's death grip

"Go sit in the CR Chamber or something" Dinobot butted in.

Optimus breathed heavily "Alright I'll go."

They watched him walk away before Dinobot turned to Rattrap, looking disgusted.

"Say, why are you covered with mud?" he garbled

"I make my home in mud, is that good enough for you?"

Dinobot was confused and looked away "How . . . interesting-"

"What?"

Silverbolt stood behind Rattrap "Oh, will you be quiet. Don't you see we have to prepare for this party, bwahaha ha hah!"

Bing Bing Bong Boong, Bing Bing Boong Bong.

Optimus, after his 20 minute rest, appeared in the hallway, ordering "Rhinox will you answer the door?"

Rhinox, at the control center sighed "I'll never hear the end of this"

"Don't sigh at me! Wait what was that?"

"Nothing, nothing I'll get it" Rhinox called back as he made his way to the maximal door.

The metal door creaked horribly as he opened it, to no surprise stood Megatron & Company.

"Interesting, you're all wearing tuxedos…"

"Yes Rhino, yes, we are here in formal attire and hopefully, we will have fun."We brought wine, isn't that right Terrorsaur?" Megatron said proudly

"Ha ha Yeass!" He squeaked

"Waspinator's cumber bund is tightening around his waist-"

"Scorpinok here, with party favours, and streamers and different types, of liquor."

Megatron frowned " You See? Even a Predacon can be formal and happy and good. And well we're gonna have a good time. Is that Cheetor? Cheetor! I must have a word."

As Rhinox let the Predacons into the base, Silverbolt was standing by Black-Arachnia's bathroom and knocked gently on her door.

"Black-Arachnia the guests have arrived, are you through in the shower yet. Aha hahaha hahahahoh!"

"Ugh, Primus. Does that involve grape face?" she grumbled stepping out of the shower

Silverbolt smiled "Why yes my love, even grapes have faces!"

"Fine then, I'm done in here. I guess I'll go and …mingle" She said fixing her chest plate and walking out of the room with Silverbolt close behind her.

When they entered the control room, they saw everyone having a good time. Rhinox was guarding a pile of board games, Dinobot and Rattrap were teasing Waspinator and Optimus was actually having a conversation with Megatron. As they both got some Mech fluid punch Quickstrike approached to talk with Silverbolt. Black- Arachnia disappeared into the crowd as Silverbolt initiated a conversation.

"Why Hello Quickstrike it has been a while," Silverbolt said

"Yeah, it has. Tell me how are things with sugar-bot? Hyuck" The Snake/Scorpion asked

"Well they're fine; we make love every five minutes" Silverbolt said bluntly "it's a marvelous time to be alive, how about you Quickstrike?"

Quickstrike couldn't recall anything spectacular "I- haven't had a girl since 19…7"

"197? Is that a year?" the winged dog pondered loudly

"It-mighthave-yes" Quickstrike recovered "I oh, yeh, uh, eeh, I'm gonna go drink some punch."

Creak, Grumble.

Silverbolt's instincts flared "There's some kind of weird noise happening behind us, hoho let's turn around haha!"

Rhinox placed a small bucket on the table "Does anyone need some more ice before we play Twister?"

Megatron was appalled "Twister?-mygod." Then he paused "I didn't hear you, say that again?"

Optimus came beside him "What, do you have a better game?"

Megatron grinned "Strip poker… sounds like fun."

Rhinox stood unsure "We can't take off our parts it will just reveal sparks an' shit."

"I don't think it's such a good idea, says me, Silverbolt"

Quickstrike chimed in as well "I'm not fond of takin' off my armor accoutrements in such a societal like place with wine, women and …cheese."

From above there came the sound of beating air. Flap flap flap flap!

Megatron as the first to point out the obvious "Oh look it's Airrazor, yes, oh and Tigatron. Dear god they're never apart."

Airrazor transformed and landed near Optimus, placing her hand lightly on his chest plate "We just couldn't miss your birthday optimus, oh I'm so glad we came"

Tigatron, already in robot mode stepped in "Yes, even I must come when my lady calls, we're here to enjoy the party."

Silverbolt welcomes them warmly "It's good to see you my old friends, it's good to see you. Come, we're playing twister and then strip poker, apparently hahahahahahaha ha ha ah."

The twister board the cut the air. Foo shweee.

"The Twister board is set up" Rhinox said proudly. "Are we going to play?"

Cheetor couldn't contain himself and he stepped forwards "Rrr-wraow, I'm so excited!"

Quickstike, who stood beside him crossed his arms "Tell me something cat, do you always have to make that noise every time you talk?...hyuck "

Cheetor snarled "Rrr-wraow, it's uncontrollable, just like your hlyuck"

Megatron tried to disregard their comments "Anyways, this will sound like it'll be good fun" he said snatching the spinner away from Cheetor "Let's spin the thing."

The arrow spun around the game piece in Megatron's grasp and the hand stopped.

Megatron looked up "Right hand green everybody, right hand green. Hm, Hm hm yes…"

Terrorsaur looked at his fellow Predacons playing and he felt sickened "I don't know if I want to do this, it's ridiculous."

"Stop being crazy Terrorsaur" Scorpinok told his buddy "We should play twister, because it's fun and this is a party"

Waspinator joined in their conversation "Hee hee, Waspinator likes Black-Arachnia, yum yum yum yum yum yum yum, yum yum yumyumyum yum bo bo bobobo boh."

"Ugh Waspinator" Megatron said holding his forehead "tell me why I keep you around here"

"Hee hee, because I'm cute" Waspinator replied.

Inferno, who became attracted by the attention surrounding Megatron butted in "The royalty should not have to deal with this craziieeeee- bug."

Cheetor looked over to Optimus after witnessing the insanity from across the room "Optimus they're insane… rrr-wraow"

Optimus sighed "No they're not Cheetor they're just strange… like turkey, in the summer."

Dinobot looked over and snarl-----------------------------ed "What!"

Amoung the hustle and bustle of the party Airrazor turned to Tigatron

"Let's sneak out to the back when the game is over" she cooed and then cried a piercing eagle scream as she flew down the corridor.

"As my lady commands, I will go with you. Wherever. You. May. Go. because …you're hot." Tigatron laughed and followed after her.

After finishing the sham of a game Quickstrike felt his internal energon digestive system rumble with emptiness.

"Hey everybody is it time for cake! Hyuck!"  
Megatron shook his head ashamed of Quickstrike "ohmygyod."


	3. Bad Gifts

They told Optimus to wait with everyone at the table as Cheetor and Rattrap dug the cake out of the freezer. Cheetor found the candles the stored cupboard and brought them down as Rattrap set the cake on the counter. He snatched the lighter away from Cheetor.

"Hurry up and light those candles Rattrap, rrr-wraow" he purred impatiently

Rattrap could feel panic pressed against him "for bootin' up cold I'm going as fast as I can."

Cheetor and Rattrap appeared a holding birthday filled with sparklers and glitter and icing and mmmm chocolate.

Everyone together sang a very off tune birthday song as Optimus blew out the candles and began to cut the cake. Optimus was as happy as could be as everyone enjoyed their cake.

"Well you guys this is the best birthday anyone could ever hope for." He said humbly .

"Yes" Terrorsaur concurred

Cheetor put his plate in the waste disposal unit and stood by Optimus "Did anyone think to bring presents, I know I have mine" he placed his hand on Optimus's shoulder "it's in the back…"

"Hehe, Waspinator got you a… sword…. covered in blood"

"Energon?"

"Energon blood" Waspinator corrected himself.

Silver bolt came forwards laughing "Aha ha ha ha, I got you the Ten Commandments, covered in …grape juice. Don'tyouthinkthat'sawonderfulpresent.Don'tyouthinksoaahahahaaa!"

"This is I, Megatron, Hm yes, I got you this bomb, don't open it until we lea-ve. AhahA! That's not to suspicious I hope."

"No it's NOT!" Terrorsaur screamed

"Quiet Terrorsaur, you're loud as, fuck" Megatron grumbled.

"Rrr-wraow, I got your present from the back Optimus, here you go." Cheetor smiled

"Thank you Cheetor" Optimus smiled and looked at the gift

"…………Open it."

Optimus tore the colored paper off the box and looked up at Cheetor "Well what is it?"

Cheetor smiled and exhaled

"I see, it's some kind of wooden thing… thank you, moving on."

"The Royalty commands that I give you this, it is……….Pickles! With a very strong tobacco sauce on them I hope you like it alallaal"

"Thank you" Optimus said "Jesus…"

Airrazor appeared from the back with Tigatron holding a box "Optimus here is my present to you, it's all the bark I collected from an assortment of trees on our journey"

"You mean like wood bark?" Optimus asked

"Yes, the bark that I assembled through our travels, I figured that as an explorer only would truly value and appreciate their worth, because they are from earth."

Optimus looked at them "I'm sure it'll make good firewood, moving on…"

Black-Arachnia placed a bag on the table in front of them "Here Optimus, I assembled these dead kittens, because I knew you'd appreciate the work that went into drying them. They're fragile."

Optimus picked one up and it disintegrated. "They fall apart in my hands… what is wrong with you?"

The dust came up and Optimus coughed for a moment "alright then who's next?"

Dinobot came over and snorted "It is my present Optimus, here ya go. It's a lotion that Rattrap and I cooked up. It's supposed to have healing properties for those lonely, lonely nights. It's also a heating lubricant"

"Well thank you Dinobot, Rattrap. This is the most rational gift I've received yet. Unlike the Ten Commandments. But it is my understanding that this lotion can only be created using metal upon metal, how did you and Rattrap come up with it."

Dinobot snorted, and coughed as he scratched the back of his neck and snorted again "I- I must go."

Optimus then looked over to Rattrap who stuttered "yeah, e—yeah, yee-aah! "

"Rattrap, can I see you in the back!" Dinobot ordered

"Sorry Boss, I'm being called" Rattrap told Optimus "by my buddy. Um, we created dat dere lotion cause it seemed like a good idea……. I been drinkin' "

Optimus decided to let it go "Thank you everyone" he sighed "Thank you."

"Optimus wait, you haven't received my present yet, this is Rhinox"

"I'm sorry Rhinox, please" Optimus seemed to beg "please, I would really like to know what it is you have to give me. Please."

Rinox felt proud for a moment "Well Optimus, I got you this book. That was written by Prime, it's it was a copy I got on Cybertron and I never had a reason to give it to you. But I uh I know that you like to read, and I know that you like plant life and I know that you like Optimus Prime." He said handing the book to Optimus "there is uh, uh a second part to my gift, but I'll uh show you later."

"Thank you very much Rhinox I appreciate that." Optimus said taking the book "Hmm the personal Diary of Optimus Prime," he read "_and she lay there, wearing not much. Torso plate removed-_Okay we'll read this later. Moving right along, Silverbolt what else do you have to say."

Silverbolt just laughed when Quickstrike cut in and turned to Optimus "Hyuck Well I got something else to tell ya there big ape boss. It's something about, It's, well it's, you know what it is I'll tell you what is it is. It's something that you wouldn't believe."

"Well what is it? This thing that I will not believe Quickstrike?" Optimus asked lethargically

"Well I guess it's nothing crazy there, it's just a big pile of leave that I got from the backyard of our plane when we crashed."

Megatron buried his face in his hands and tossed Quickstrike down the command hatch door and bided their farewell. Optimus watched them go before he turned the other Maximal in confusion. Then everybody went to bed…


	4. Battle?

The Next Day.

Silently Dinobot is in his room smoking a cigar and eating pizza. He took a long drag and blew out the toxic smoke before he snorted softly and the mysterious noise of a girl screaming was Airrazor playing a video game. The madness ensued.

Meanwhile Optimus, after rousing from his sleep stepped into the control room, seeing if Rhinox had returned from his patrol yet. Rhinox always preferred the morning patrol to any other while Dinobot usually took the night shift with Rattrap. As Optimus sat down at the control table the command hatch door rose up and Rhinox stepped in. Optimus smiled when he saw his friend and asked him.

"Hey Rhinox did you find anything in that cave?"

"Well I didn't find anything interesting, although I did spot a bikini clad female model" Rhinox stated punching in some numbers on his time sheet at the nearest console.

Optimus was very surprised "How?"

"I know it sounds impossible, but that is beside the point" Rhinox said turning over to Optimus "I have other information that must be at your attention." Rhinox pressed a button on the console and watched as a map came up and Rhinox zoomed in quadrant delta "The Predacons have formed a massive battle station. They are moving towards our location right fucking now!"

The ship suddenly shook tremendously and the Maximals stumbled about the control room.

"The Predacons are hailing us, Optimus you better take the com!"

Optimus opened up all frequencies "Predacons why do you wage war now, all the energon crystals have been destroyed you have no right!"

Megatron's voice boomed through the transmission "Hmm Hmm yes, I know that the times have changed, but I'm here to destroy you because well, it just makes sense for Predacon to do so."

"You're an idiot Megatron"

"I will disregard your comments, hmm hmm yes" Megatron replied to Optimus's insult "and all of my members feel the same isn't the right Scorpinok!"

Scorpinok looked up from his Lego toys "yeeaath"

"Terrorsaur?" Megatron asked for his approval as well

"Ha ha! YEAsSAh!"

"And Rampage is on my leash come here boy" Megatron said tugging on the squeaky leash "Now, we will destroy you!"

Optimus shook his head "Megatron why are we fighting, we just had such a nice birthday party and Cheetors' is next!"

Megatron breathed in deeply "I know Optimus I marked it on my calendar." Rampage tried to interrupt Megatron, but to no avail "In the meantime we must fight- Shush!" he barked at Rampage.

"Why are you telling me to shush Megatron?" Rampage asked politely

Megatron turned to him "Because you're opinion doesn't matter to me, it's like cheese talking. It just shouldn't happen!"

Optimus cut off the transmission there if he'd heard anymore he might be sick. He switched another button to come in contact with Rattrap who was not seen at the moment.

Beep

"Rattrap go down to the bottom levels with Dinobot and try to hold off the Predacons" Optimus ordered

Rattrap button the com button his chest, as he loaded up in the weapons storage room "Hey Optimus despite your sexy tone there. I don't really appreciate being partnered up with Dinobutt here."

Dinobot was in the storage room too and felt insulted "That's not what you said last night, Vermin"

"Hey that was, was that never ever talking about it again!" Rattrap snapped

"You suck!"

Rattrap grinned "Not as much as you suck in bed Bronto Brain!"

"Ugh, I get better fucks from Cheetor anyway!" Dinobot uttered

"Wha- He's a minor that's not a good thing to bring into this situation!"

Optimus, overhearing the conversation on the com turned to the shy cowering kitty in the corner.

"Cheetor?" Optimus questioned

Cheetor felt horrible "I-er-just-it was-um- er-raow…."

Rattrap interrupted, grabbing Optimus and Rhinox's attention once more "Soo the truth is out, we're a bunch of gays. Now let's go downstairs and start kicking some Predacon butt."

"For once vermin you get no argument from me" Dinobot concurred

"den let's get on our way"

Dinobot whispered to Rattrap "and then later in bed"

"and then again afterwards" Rattrap smiled

Optimus felt ashamed of his warriors just then and hopefully would end the transmissions with a final statement "Ugh, fuck it. Okay you guys just head down we have to stop the Predacons now or we'll lose everything and Megatron can't take control of the Ark."

Rattrap patched in again "Noahs ark?"

Optimus slammed the communication button and shouted "You Ass!"

"Ho, jeez keep your pantyhose on we'll go downstairs and we'll kill the Predacons good."

Back at Megatron's Place.

"Hm, hm, Yes, how are the preparations going on my ultimate cannon from death from above from apocalypse from the bible."

"Waspinator thinks it goes well!"

Megatron jerked backwards "Shut the fuck up, I didn't ask for your opinion!"

Waspinator jumped in surprise and cried out.

Megatron grumbled "Now, die somewhere. Ah, Tarantulas! As my chief scientific officer and my liaison, I'd very much like you to tell me the situation."

Tarantulas laughed heartily "Not good! Shields down by 46"

Megatron was puzzled and angry "But nothing has- happened- yet."

"Terrorsaur did something stupid with the bombs!" Tarantulas told him

Megatron stood up, infuriated "How come I am the last to know! Rrggh! It's like that time I had an erection."

Yet silently underneath the Predacon base.

"Tigatron Maximize stealth mode" The white tiger whispered and very quietly transformed

The computers voice was activated by Tigatron and a turret pointed at him "Maximal Signature Detected"

"Oh, dear crap" Tigatron uttered and dodged the gunfire from the turret. He heard a explosion not long afterwards and he looked up into the sky. "So much for that turret, eh Airrazor?"

She flew down and landed beside him transforming "yes my love."

Tigatron smiled and began to cut a hole in the Predacon base "Normally I'd ask that we have sex before we go in. but this time I'm, afraid we must put it on hold"

"Dammit" Airrazor said softly

"Now let's infiltrate the base and take them from within, I don't mean that sexually" Tigatron said climbing into the base.

Meanwhile Terrorsaur in his room.

"Eeeh heh, grab my turbo guns and my lasers and strap em' to my hips oohh god. Then take my grenades Ooh, grenades! Everything is working out wonderful today. "

Knock knock knock

"Who is it?" Terrorsaur questioned

"Waspinator!"

"Excellent I mean crap, I'm coming"

Terrorsaur went over and opened up the door to see Waspinator standing there holding something in an envelope.

"Alright what is it?" Terrorsaur questioned the bug

"Do you want to sign Inferno's Birthday card? Buzzzz-uzzzzz" Waspinator azzked

"Of course not, we don't have birthdays in the Predacons we just kill shit!" Terrorsaur lectured ". But yes I'll sign it"

"Hurray!" Waspinator cheered

Back at the maximal base

"Rhinox do you know if Dinobot and Rattrap have left yet?" Optimus asked waiting for Tigaton's report

"No" Rhinox told him bluntly "they've been busy, downstairs. But there moving towards that location now. Their blips are on my screen. Together now they're not, together now they're not, their together now they're no-nit-hmmmsigh… anyway."

"Cut off all communication" Optimus ordered

"Roger that, Transferring all messages." Rhinox said working hard at the computer and with one finally flick of a switch the computer shut down. "Complete radio silence please. Now that would be excellent thank you."

"There will be no one, not even the computer to disturb us now." Optimus said softly

"Optimus might I inquire as to what you are thinking about? Please?"

"Just you, only you, only you for the pass five megacycles!" Optimus said grabbing his friend's shoulders

"A megacycle's a long time and oooooohhhhhhh man that feels good what are you doing?" Rhinox asked very casually.

"Merging with you" Optimus smiled

"Mmm, ah, okay I don't know if we should do this right now because… people, maximals oohh, aOoohh ho ho AAAA!"

Back at the Predacon Base

"Oooh, what is happening! Somebody give me a report!" Megatron ordered "Stop signing Inferno's card!"

"Royalty, all transmission has been cut out" Inferno reported and Megatron could see that he was worried "What are we to doo?"

Megatron mocked the ant "what are you to do? I'll tell you exactly what we'll do, you lousy ant thing. We will now attack and destroy them once and for all. Once all my team gets here and stops signing shit!"

Rampage, at Megatron's feet uttered "Hardly a difficult concept"

"And you keep your crazy mouth shut" Megatron commanded "I've got your spark remember? Hm hm, Yeeess, and I will destroy it so long… as you… keep talking."

"So long as I keep you satisfied?" Rampage cooed

"I told you not here!" Megatron barked "Now, bring the scanners back online. Bring power to 95. Turrets online. Prepare to move the base!"

Tarantulas just then came running in with data tracks on paper "Megatron, I don't know if that can be accomplished."

"Why not? We have the power!" Megatron told the spider

Tarantulas looked at his sheet "Yes but we don't have any Trans Cells. None left! Dinobot took them."

Megatron looked out toward the horizon "I've heard that line somewhere before…Oh well screw it let's just Break into African Dance!"


	5. Colours!

The computer's alarm suddenly flashed it's red alert light and "Many Maximal Signatures Detected. Twelve in fact, holy fu---ck!"

"The computer's swearing, this is serious. Everyone break the African dance!" Megatron threw his tribal wear into the trunk that held all of his costumes and he ran to his command center "Fire at will!"

Optimus hovered meters away from the Predacon base with the non air maximals below him "All maximals Advance!"

Megatron laughed as the Maximal headed towards the base and just as they were about to collide a great light appeared from above them all and down from the sky came a transformer and a rainbow was above his head and his feet as pillars of fire.

"Stop the fighting!" the transformer spoke "it is I, Tigerhawk."

Megatron climbed out onto his base and called out loudly "Ahhh, an emissary of the Vok. Hm, You're stupid-ness will end with mee!" Megatron shouted and pointed at Tigerhawk.

"How insulting" Tigerhawk uttered and turned towards Megatron

"Hm, Yes, from what I recall in the script" Megatron said flipping the pages "You only last 2 episodes. Hmmhmhmhmwahahahaaaa"

Yet somewhere far away.

Silverbolt flew into the sunset with Black-Arachnia in his arms and she touched his chest with her claw hand "Hey bowser boy is this a vacation?"

"Mahaha hohoho, always my lady. We shall go onward into the sky and I will take you to the land of ephemeral power. We will merge together, mm, mmm in front of the sun the sun is out only witness, the sun! Haha, it is as bright as I am, mm come here and let me kiss you."

Transmission fuzzies

"This is Optimus" Silverbolt's radio fuzzed "Predacons… there is…… energon interference…. We need your help…. Ah ah… Rhinox is tickling me!"

"Aha ha ha, ohh no. The maximals seem to be in trouble, we must turn around post haste, haste post, post Haa Haa! Mmm, what do you think" Silverbolt said before turning to Black-Arachnia in his arms.

"You're an idiot" she told him "but I love you."

As Silverbolt and Black-Arachnia arrived at the battlefield they saw a hideous explosion.

Eeeeee-BOOM!

Optimus hovered in horror "Oh my god, Tigerhawk just exploded"

"Ha ha ha, I killed him, mmm yes" Megatron smiled "move on Predacons, we will destroy them all, like a leaf in harsh wind."

"Waspinator reports creatures moving in to our Locationn!" Waspinator warned him.

Suddenly for some bizarre reason in nature and unbeknownst to the author, there was some kind of shift in time and everyone went offline. They awoke two weeks later scattered and some in places they were not meant to be. No one is damaged and no one knows what happened.

"What the fuck just happened?" Megatron said sitting up from his unconscious position "Yes? Hm, I appear to be in a room. Cheetor's room. He's sleeping. Perfect." Megatron reached out "Mm, his whiskers are delectable."

Cheetor didn't mean to but he purred in his sleep.

Megatron withdrew his hand and grinned "and he likes it, I'll move lower, lower… cup those.."

Cheetor was suddenly up like he was on fire "RRFFFRWA-OOOW!"

"Haha, Oh you're awake dear Cheetor" Megatron smiled standing up "surprised to see me?"

Cheetor was dumbfounded "What the slag are you doing?"

"Oh nothing" Megatron looked about "I just woke up out of a very deep sleep for whatever reason. We were about to engage in battle, do you know at I am doing here and why you are so sexy."

"No" Cheetor snapped defensively "wh- why are my legs tied together…"

"Well I did that when you were looking so you wouldn't move while I impale you." Megatron stated simply.

Cheetor breathed heavily, unsure if it was all real and chocking on his own fright he called out "O- Optimus."

"Oh he can't hear you, I'm sure you'd like for him to be able to hear you. Oh no don't struggle, mmm, you don't want to do that" said Megatron "see the energon is bound to your spark, the more you move the faster you die. "

Cheetor breathed in deeply again and his voice cracked "Optimus!" A tear streaked down his furry face.

"Oh no don't cry, it'll be fun now, lay down!" Megatron commanded. "Hmm oh yeah that's it! That's it take it like a maximal! Deeper! Futher!--"

KNOCK KNOCK!

"--Dyaa-oohh shit"

"Cheetor! What's going on in there" Optimus's voice came from behind the door

Megatron stood up "Optimus is at the door" he whispered "Um, oh raor… nothing"

Optimus leaned into the door again "Cheetor are you okay? You didn't get into Rattrap's dirty mech fluid did you?"

Megatron, still impersonating "Of course not wraor… I was simply. I--- was practicing saying your name…. Optimus. O---ptimus. You see there is nothing wrong here, cough wraor"

Optimus banged on the closed door "That's not Cheetor I know it's not. Come on Cheetor! You have to open up this door!"

Megatron dropped the charade and carried his voice higher as he spoke "its magna se---aled!"

Optimus stood away from the door "I can get Rhinox to bust through this thing. Don't Move" he shouted back into Cheetors room and pelted off down the corridor.

Megatron looked around "Haha, I'll hide in the closet…………………………………………………..dear god he's a slow Rhino."

Optimus reached Rhinox quarters and walked in "Rhinox, something is wrong with Cheetors door it's Magna sealed I think he might be in trouble." Optimus stood the room silent and dark "Rhinox? Where are you? He's always in his room, in his quarters…Rhinox?" Optimus whispered "Rhinox!"

"I'm over here!" Rhinox said

"oh ha ho, There you are" Optimus waved to his friend "Quickly Cheetor is in trouble."

Rhinox replied "I know I heard everything"

"Well then what are we waiting for?"

Rhinox sighed "I was reading a book."

"I hate you"

Rhinox stood suddenly, closing his book "… let's go let's go aa-Aa-aA!"

They ran over to Cheetors door and Rhinox slammed on it with his fists three times before it caved allowing Optimus and Rhinox to stand in the midst of the debris, where the door once stood. Optimus coughed under his breath.

"So much for magna sealed."

"Cheetor are you okay?" Rhinox said to the cat that lay before him on the floor.

"Mmmhphphphrm" Cheetor muffled

Rhinox looked up at Optimus "I think he said he was violated"

"My god," said Optimus ripping the tape off Cheetors mouth.

Rhinox pondered for a moment "How did I know that, why am I asking myself. Let's search the room."

"The tape is gone Cheetor everything is fine." Optimus said helping him up. "What happened"

Cheetor coughed softly for a moment and said weakly "M-Megatron, he whimper he did things to me"

Rhinox looked down back towards Cheetor "Good things?"

Cheetor shook his head "No!"

"Oh Okay, search the room" Rhinox reminded himself

Megatron couldn't help but utter a giggle.

Rhinox glanced toward Optimus "What is that deciduous laughter"

"Oh no!"Megatron said as he scrambled out of the closet "You think you can stop me, Primal, Rhino…. Cheetor…"

Cheetor felt strength in him again "I can call for back up!"

"Ha Ha," Megatron laughed

"Cheetor to anybod-"

Gunfire blasted Cheetor and the other back while Megatron blasted a hole through the wall "I'm escaping, here's me escaping mwa ha."

Optimus paused "…………………………….Don't let him escape!"

Meanwhile Rattrap and Dinobot have a little situation of their own.

Dinobot sat on the bench outside the lavatory with his fingers crossed, he watched as Rattrap emerged.

"So, what color's the stick?"

"It says here purple" Rattrap said looked down "yeea"

Dinobot looked at him "I don't know what that means… Does it mean we are, having a child or no?"

Rattrap scratched his head and picked up the box "Well it says here on the box: If- If blue is you a baby for you. If green there is or be no baby thar be."

"So what color did it turn" Dinobot said, since had forgotten moments ago.

"…Pink" Rattrap stated.

Dinobot frowned confused "Is there any direction on the box as to what that means?"

"No it doesn't say here" Rattrap said taking out the manual "or here, and that's the end of the book. Looks like we're screwed dinobutt."

Dinobot looked away from the eyes of Rattrap and scratched his chin "well, I didn't- I'm not really good with children anyways"

"Yea" Rattrap uttered "but uh, we could be pregnant right now we just don't know it."

Dinobot grabbed the wall "How does this work!"

Something clicked in Rattrap metal brain and he came to Dinobot's side "Wait, wait. We- we're man bots right?"

"Yes" Dinobot answered coldly.

"So uh, does that mean we get pregnant even or not even at all?"

Dinobot inhaled then stopped "I've never actually been really all that sure, I just thought it took two existing sparks and…. Dna…."

"I see" Rattrap pondered

T o B e C o n t i n u e d . . .


End file.
